I was hoping I could get a guest-blogger to deal with this one. Nobody wants to talk about it though so I guess I’m going to have to dive right into it.
I feel by 25 the average person should know what their looking for in a partner. We all want different things in life and that’s fine. I have learnt now that being with someone is a huge responsibility. One that I am not prepared to set aside time for right at the moment (not forever) because I have accepted fully that I cannot handle that amount of pressure in my life right now. I’m going to be very candid in saying it hasn’t been easy. Especially in the last 5 months because all of a sudden the question, “Why are you still single? This is the age to be engaged,” seems to be asked on a daily basis. At first I was unmoved because ‘I knew what I wanted.’ After a while hearing that question started to leave a bad taste in my mouth and I had to channel my inner responsible self and not punch people. I mean, who wants to tick the, ‘Have you ever been convicted of a crime,’ box at the airport because they punched somebody. I refuse to go down for that. However, it is annoying. I feel the only people who have the right to ask that question without starting a war is my parents because, well, they’re my parents.
So why am I where I am today relationship-wise? I feel like I do not understand how dating works nowadays. I don’t think I ever understood it, I’m probably just more honest with myself now in acknowledging that. It bothers me to know that the majority of suitors out there will approach you knowing that they do not know what they want but still give you the impression that they do while they use the ‘dating period’ to figure ‘it’ out. And if they don’t end up figuring ‘it’ out, oh well, they are human and make mistakes. If someone could explain who and what that ‘it’ was, they would have my respect because that ‘it’ has been abused by the 21st century suitor! I know now that if a person is with you for 1yr+ and still using the term, ‘time to figure it out,’ RUN-OOO! Don’t encourage ‘it-ism.’
Then there’s the ‘Mortgagers.’ This group seems to be gaining momentum very quickly. Gone are the days of our parents when you would meet in college and marry after 2 years. Yeah, no! Not with this click. They will date you for 12 years with the hope that you will become more comfortable with the state-of-affairs and not hope for more. These usually start out as Philosophers who are still figuring ‘it’ out and as the years go by forget what their initial promises where. This particular group has been known to marry The-Next-One very quickly after ending a long-term relationship in which marriage was not an initial option.
The Undercover Brothers:
Okay so this group is quite lethal. Side note: women are definitely guilty of all these traits as well, let’s not forget that. Moving on, these people will treat you like a queen. Make you feel like royalty. They’ll even make you forget other human beings exist…when it’s just the two of you!
Blah! They make sure to hide you from the general public and will use the, ‘I want to keep things private,’ route to justify the fact that only 5 of their friends know you are together. You will most likely never meet their parents. When things end, their friends and family (if you chanced it) will move on with them like you never existed. If you’re dating someone it’s okay to be private but there is a huge difference between hiding the relationship and hiding the person. You can have a relationship where the behind-the-scenes are not known while the relationship itself is known! Don’t be conned! This group usually ends up forcing the girlfriend to be overly public on social media to compensate for the fact that the guy is perplexingly mum.
Ladies (and gents) If you’ve heard these phrases one-too-many-times, it’s time to leave:
1 I still need to figure it out (let ‘it’ be figured out in your absence)
2 I don’t know what you want (hezvo, so why are we together?)
3 I’m just cool with all my exes; Me and my ex are best friends (RUN);
4 I don’t know him/her (but his/her pictures/chats are in your phone)
5 Let’s not rush into anything (after 5 years of dating, umm, no, let’s!)
6 If I stop talking to her she’ll commit suicide (unbelievable how many times I’ve heard guys say this)
7 Sorry (immediately accompanied with the same behaviour the person just apologised for)
8 We were just talking (at your house, at night?!)
9 You made me do it (be with someone who can take responsibility for their actions)
10 I’ll beat you (one day he/she will)
11 It was a mistake (after the second cheat)
12 I am going to church now (be careful with this one; a lot of people do turn their lives around which is amazing but a lot more use this excuse knowing how badly women want to hear it; actions do speak louder)
It’s always hard because you put so much effort into something and no matter how many Danger Signs you see, you refuse to accept that all that effort was in vain. It’s normal. But the consequences of staying are always much worse than the temporary bewilderment that comes from leaving.