Lately I’ve been feeling much better about myself. Much more confident in my choices. I mean, I feel really good about myself. But I can’t help but feel a sense of guilt about this as well. I don’t even know if its guilt I just know that’s the closest word I could find to describe my new found position in life. I think this stems from having such a difficult year where I was the complete opposite of what I am now. Bouncing back was supposed to be easy. It always has been. But this time I feel like it’s not okay that everything is kind of perfect. I mean I’m not living ‘la vida loca’ or anything but I definitely happy. I’m starting to see how damaging stress can be because there I was thinking an attitude change had fixed everything yet there’s still that lingering ‘thought’ that this will fade away soon. That the stress that I experienced last year was so normal for me that the way i feel now cannot be normal. That this cannot last because it is out of the ordinary.
Now I know that just isn’t true because as a Christian I should believe that God promised me life and He promised me life abundantly. But it was so deeply rooted into my system that now I have to accept that it will take time to remove it from there. I think I’ve been patient about so much that I was hoping bouncing back this year would be easier. It never is if you’re trying to rush through the process. You have to be willing to be a little more patient to make that foundation solid. This goes for anything else in life. Relationships, addictions, grief etc.
We all ‘just want to be happy’ but we have to be willing to convince ourselves that happiness comes at the cost of us being patient enough to take the time to do the work: solidify the notion that we will be fine and that we deserve to be happy. It’s very easy to feel like a victim of the ‘why is it always me’ theory because it takes more work to tone our minds to believe that it doesn’t have to be us. We can be happy. We were created to be happy so we can be happy; amidst life’s disappointments we can be happy.
Tip: Exercise that happy-muscle: You have to work on that muscle everyday. As with every workout consistency is key. Constantly reminding yourself of positive things will eventually help you to override the incumbent negative thoughts you may have gotten so used to that they became normal.