Well Valentine’s came and went…#cricket sound. I traveled for a couple of weeks meaning my usual Monday to Sunday routine was disrupted. I can’t stand that because it gives me too much time with my thoughts. I have to fit them into my schedule!
But that day, Valentine’s day, came and went and I had to deal with my position. I had to be honest with myself about the fact that I had completely neglected self-love in an effort to love others so that I could love myself back. I know, cyclical emotional stuff…I was scared to deal with the fact that I have to love myself first and be confident that that love is real! How do you love the one person you know EVERYTHING about!? The good, the bad and the ugly. I don’t hate myself, no! But I asked myself why I am not living a full and complete life if I truly do care about me? What is it that allows me to constantly sell myself short? To negotiate the price before an offer is made? Why do I constantly discount myself?
I mean, if I’m good at my job then I’m good. If I’m beautiful then that’s that! [Just saying that is uncomfortable]…if I’m emotional then that’s that. I have had so much time to spend with myself and do some deep introspection and I realize I want a love from others that I can’t even give to myself. This isn’t a boy and girl thing this is love all around.
Do I make the same amount of effort for myself that I want others to make for me or do I feed off of the position of others in my life? Do you think you are beautiful when no one is looking or does someone have to confirm it? Do you think you are amazing at your job every time you clock in for the day or does someone have to pat you on the back? Do you think that the application letters you write are winners even when they get rejected? Does someone else have to confirm who you want to be for you to belive it’s possible?
Don’t neglect yourself in the process of seeking confirmation from everyone else. You have to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of others.
Don’t be self-centered but acknowledge that the work starts within you because the way you’re treating people when you’re not paying attention is how you treat yourself when it’s just ‘me, myself and I.